Manjula Ghattamaneni

Why do you want to lose weight?

Published by Geethanjali varanasi on

So, with Cindy Crawford’s picture on the wall I was perfectly clear.I knew what I wanted.The image was vivid in my head.I was totally and completely motivated and inspired by Cindy Crawford.With this newly gained clarity,my goal was looking clear.And I started really working on my body and lost all that weight.I got back to my original weight. I was super happy that I started singing.Before the song could finish I put all the weight back.Really.I put on all the weight that I had lost.

I was shocked, stunned and confused.I didn’t understand what was going on.All that I had in mind was I’ve lost all the weight, right? Why did I put it back on?I didn’t realize that I have
to maintain that weight.Make it my lifestyle.’I didn’t understand that because I never had a weight problem.That was the first time.So I didn’t know what to make of it.I thought once you lose the weight, it’s gone forever.And then I put on all that weight back.That left me in a really confused state.

When I was in this puzzled phase there was this very big party.A very special inter-college party.The whole alumni of my college was going to be there.A really special party.I had to look super pretty because all of my old friends were going to be there.So many college friends were coming.I was meeting them after so long.I wanted to look special for the occasion.I started looking into my cupboard.I picked one of my most favorite tops.I tried it on.It Didn’t fit me at all.I was like ‘Oh, god!’And then tried something else.I tried on multiple tops.There was a mountain of clothes in my room.Finally, I managed to fit into a nice top.I wanted to pair it with my favorite denims.

I pulled out that pair of pants.And then I put them on with that top.Those denims, somehow I pulled them up.But I couldn’t button it and zip it up.I tucked my tummy in and zipped it up really hard.I somehow managed to put on an outfit and looked in the mirror.Well, the denims were a bit tight.But they were in trend. So, big deal.I looked at myself one last time and went to the party.As luck would have it that damn friend of mine was there.So, I’m like…As soon as I saw her…You know, actually I was slightly
conscious during the whole party because I only could feel that I put on a little weight.I assumed so but it was quite a bit of weight.

So, I was very conscious. But anyways, I met that friend. She came to me as soon as she saw me. As usual, she said, ‘What? You put on more weight than before. And, what’s happened to that tummy of yours? Why is it falling out like that?’ That was it. My head spinned. It took all of my self-control to not go and beat her up. So, I just controlled myself. I’m smiling. And then I just brushed it off and smiled. Gave her some excuse and walked out of there.

But I was very disturbed with that. Especially when she said that my tummy was falling out. When we wear our pants too tight sometimes that fat hangs down. But either ways, I put on weight. That just made me more conscious. Trying to take my tummy in. After that, I was feeling conscious throughout the party. Didn’t enjoy it at all. So, I returned home halfway through the party.

When I got home, all my siblings were in the living room. They saw me in those tight denims and took a dig at me. They started making fun of me saying that I look like Jyoti Lakshmi and Jaya Malini. I mean, I have huge respect for Jyoti Lakshmi and Jaya Malini. They were amazing. They were the whole entertainment factor in our films. I love them.

They started calling me names.Thunder Thighs and stuff.Telling me I was fat.I felt so bad.If you become fat, it’s a problem.And when I was thin, they said I had ‘Straw Legs’What do they mean ‘Straw Legs’?Anyway…So, it was like, if you’re thin, there’s a problem.If you put on weight, that’s another problem.I was so angry!Normally, when they’d rag me like this I could give it back to them.But now, that friend had already hurt me at the party.When I got home, my siblings were out with their claws.I got so furious that I started yelling at them. And soon, I broke down into tears.When I yelled at them and started crying, they shut up for a second.Immediately after 5 seconds,they all burst out laughing.I couldn’t stop crying anymore.

I just got so angry and waltzed off to my room.I was just crying and hoping that my father was there.Whenever dad was around and they’d tease me Dad would scold them.But unfortunately, he had gone outdoor for a shoot.I was so upset.I was crying more because I didn’t even have dad by my side.And I had to deal with the emotions myself.That was a great opportunity for me to see that.And I was crying and crying.So much so that I was asking myself, ‘Why are you crying?What’s making you sad?’ Is it because that friend called you fat? That you’ve put on weight?Because you couldn’t maintain the weight you’ve lost? Or because they’re making fun of you?’I didn’t understand what was really bothering me.

Like, what was the pain about? Why was I crying?I kept asking myself, ‘Why am I crying?’When I tried to figure out the reason behind why I was so upset I got annoyed and said,’You know what? I don’t care.It’s okay if I put on weight.Doesn’t matter. Yes! I’m fat.And I don’t care what my siblings think or my friend says.They can all go to hell!I yelled at myself that
I’m fat and kept on crying.But, even while I was saying that I was very disturbed because I was not meant to be fat.I was not born to be fat.I don’t know how to tell you this.

It was very important for me to be thin and have a perfect body. And then I was like, why? Why is it important for me to have a perfect body? What’s the reason? Why am I feeling so beaten up? When I repeatedly asked myself, ‘Why?’ Maybe my reason was that I was born to have a fantastic body. I want to make my father and mother proud. I want my siblings to look at me and go ‘Wow! Or for my friends to say ‘Wow!’ I should be able to wear whatever I want to a party. I should be confident. I was loosing my confidence. And, by not having a perfect body and putting on weight I was losing my self-confidence. That’s not me. And when this whole thing was going on I could see the whole pain, you know of what I went through when I got fat. All that struggle, crying and lack of self-confidence. Them calling me fat. All that was bothering me.

That pain and suffering was something I couldn’t handle.It was very important for me to have a good body because of all these reasons.That’s when an amazing emotional connect hit me.I had a really fantastic emotional connect with my vision.I got this sense of seriousness.Yes, I had a super vision. That was what helped me to lose weight first.But, that vision alone wasn’t enough.I was very clear about what I wanted.I got inspired by Cindy Crawford’s picture.But, after you know what you want it’s very important to know why you want what you want.Why do you want a perfect body? That’s really important because that’s when you feel an emotional connect.And when you have that emotional connect there are no fluctuations in your weight.

That’s what helped me in my life. Once I got this major emotional connect there was no more wavering. Since then, I lost the weight and maintained it for the rest of my life, till today. So, when you have that emotional connect this is very important. If you lack that emotional connect. Suppose, it’s the 31st of December. We write down our resolutions for 1st of January. List out all our goals. ‘I’m going to do this. I’m going to do that. What not!’ But, as soon as it’s 2nd January, we give up. You know why? Because we only have goals and not the emotional connect. We don’t have the ‘Why’ factor.

Now, I figured out the ‘Why’ factor. And I can’t tell you all how much difference it has made in my life. That was what helped me maintain this thing. So, it’s super important for you to figure out the ‘Why’ factor. Like, so, you have clear goal. You stuck a nice poster. Wrote down the affirmation ‘I have a great body. ‘You stuck your poster. Great! So, you have a clear vision. You know what you want in life. Now, why do you want that? Why do you want to have a great body? Like, I told you my reasons. My reasons to look fit. I want to inspire people. I want to make my father very proud. My friends should say that I look great. I told you all my reasons.

Now, you need to prepare what your ‘Why’ is.That is your homework.I can’t wait to hear your ‘Why’.Come on! Now I told you my ‘Why’, okay?You have to tell me yours, okay? Great! So, let’s catch up with your Whys.I’m hoping that you liked the video.Hit the Like button.Share and Subscribe.Also comment and write all your Whys.Work on it. I want to listen to all of them.I told you my Whys and it’s your turn to write your Whys.

See you soon!